A Story of Two Students, Peter and Jill (Part 2)

By Superintendent Doug Conwell

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For Peter, now in college, being on academic probation was disappointing but it really did nothing to change his work ethic.  Habits developed over the majority of his young life were hard to change.  Having to retake College Algebra was hard on his self-esteem but it was required of students who fail classes in college.  Peter never really had to deal with adversity in high school because he never took challenging classes and was never held to standards that would have forced him to reassess his effort.  As time went on, the C’s, D’s and F’s took their toll on Peter’s commitment to his studies.  His self-perception was that he was a failure and thus the cycle leading to dropping out had begun.  Peter actually made it to the middle of the first semester of his junior year before he “officially” dropped out of college.  In actuality, Peter dropped out of college sometime during his freshman year.  He just didn’t know what else to do but to “go to college”.

Peter’s parents didn’t understand what was going on with their son.  Because Peter had always been an “A or B” student, their perception was that the lack of success was all Peter’s fault.  In reality it was a combination of things that contributed to Peter not being ready for the college experience.  Both parents became very concerned about Peter.  He seemed unmotivated, detached, and lost.  In addition to this, Peter was now in debt to the tune of $20,000+ as the rising cost of college was more than this middle class family could afford without borrowing.   The care free, happy days of high school had become more of a challenge than anyone had expected.  

The thing about love though is you never give up.  Peter took a $10 an hour job working construction for the remainder of what was his junior year in college.  Through this time, Peter and his father talked about life, money, and making ends meet.  Peter was now learning about life fast and quickly understood that living life on $10 an hour would be difficult.  This was especially true if he hoped to have a family one day.  His father’s love told him that he had to help his son find a path.  So a deal was struck.  His father would pay for Peter to attend a nearby technical college if Peter would commit to earning a degree.  Peter’s choice was to enroll in electrical lineman school.  In two years Peter completed school and began work as an apprentice lineman.  He started out at a salary of $38,000 with benefits.  Upon the completion of his apprenticeship, Peter was earning over $65,000 a year with full benefits.  

It turned out that Peter was really happy and he was actually earning more money than many of his friends who had completed college.  He never really wanted to work inside and was never motivated by his “sit at a desk” academic experience.  The signs were there as far back as middle school, but no one noticed.  The lack of open and honest communication between parents and child, one-sided dreams for the future, and a false sense of capability all contributed to a situation that could have been avoided.  While Peter’s story has a happy ending, the cost in terms of self-esteem and money was high.

Jill’s experience was much different.  She made it through her freshman year of college with a 3.1 GPA, taking primarily freshman oriented classes.  By the time Jill completed her junior year in college she had good grades but had already changed her major a couple of times.  Jill needed a plan if she was going to complete a degree in five years.  The good news for her was that she had cultivated self-discipline in her youth and, after a serious discussion with her parents (who were still engaged in her education), Jill sought the services of a career counselor.  Many students fail to take advantage of the services offered by colleges primarily because they see asking for help as a sign of weakness.  Isn’t that true for so many people?  

Upon taking a battery of career interest inventories, Jill determined that what she had always wanted to do was to follow in her father’s footsteps.  Jill’s dad owned a nursery and Jill had spent many days playing and doing work in the greenhouse.  While she enjoyed her time in that greenhouse, what she really wanted to do was to utilize her creative side.  Provided with many options in the horticulture field of work, Jill focused on options that allowed her to use her creative side and her academic skills.

Jill changed majors once again and began work towards a career as a landscape architect.  It would mean having to take college classes the next couple of summers in order to complete the degree in five years but work was nothing new for her.  So much of how Jill was raised came into play making this decision and completing her degree.  She was resilient through all of the changes.  She honored her creative self through her choice to become a landscape architect.  She was disciplined enough to sacrifice her summers so she could complete her degree in five years.  Ultimately, Jill became a landscape architect and within seven years had opened her own design business.  

So what are the lessons from these stories of typical American high school students?  

• How a child is raised makes a huge difference in their success in life.  Parents are the ones with life experience and their job is to guide their child into adulthood in a manner that instills traits that will help their child to have a chance at success, i.e. self discipline, resiliency, determination, efficacy, empathy, etc.

• A parent’s job is never done, whether your child likes it or not.  Just because they are “in high school” doesn’t mean they are ready to be on their own.  So be there with them!

• Set your own, high academic standards for your child’s work and then work with them to meet your expectations.  On this topic, holding your child to these standards at an early age helps to hold them to these standards as they grow older.

• Encourage many experiences for your child as they grow up but minimize those experiences that do not contribute to their intellectual growth and physical development.

• If the goal is college, then encourage your child to take the toughest classes possible throughout middle and high school.  See the big picture when it comes to your child’s future.

• It is more important to learn to handle adversity in your youth than to have to learn about it as an adult.  Adversity will only hurt your child if you judge them.

• Failure is a way to learn and life has failing experiences waiting for most people.

• College is not for everyone.  In fact, as it stands now it is not for the majority of our children.  However, advanced training is something that ALL children will need to live a middle class life.